Part 3: Understanding Smrtti to Bridge Generation Gaps and Expand Awareness
| By Martine, The Netherlands
Table of Contents
Introduction
In this blog series, we explore whether family life restricts us or serves as a foundation for human evolution, an opportunity to expand awareness and embrace change positively. Does living together burden us with daily struggles and conflicts, or does it provide a strong foundation where each family member can grow and explore their full potential?
As life continuously evolves, so can our perspective on family. Rather than seeing it as a source of limitation, we can embrace it as a space for profound growth.
In this part, we will explore how bridging generation gaps can lead to an expansion of awareness and how our relationship with memory shapes the common resistance to change.
Can we move beyond fixed patterns and open up to new possibilities in family life?
To truly evolve, we must move beyond rigid beliefs. When awareness is limited, it creates division, one of the root causes of human struggle. This rigidity may create a sense of decisiveness, but not one rooted in clarity or wisdom. Instead, it stems from resistance to new possibilities, leading to psychological distress. When we hold onto fixed conclusions, we block the openness needed for growth. Expanding awareness means embracing the unknown and remaining receptive to fresh perspectives.
If we recognise the opportunities already present, within our families and in the way we share life with our children, parents and beyond, we take the first steps towards transformation. Families naturally include members of different ages, which can either create separation (what we often call generation gaps) or become a space for expanding awareness.
Expanding awareness requires openness to new ways of living. When we recognize that the family environment itself offers this possibility, it unlocks a new dimension of family life. If this shift is possible within the family, it can naturally extend to education, workplaces, society, and the world we share.
First, let’s acknowledge a simple fact: each generation has had different experiences, shaped by the time they lived in, bringing a different awareness and molding the mind in unique ways. We often assume that these generational differences are inevitable, that older and younger generations will always struggle to understand each other. Misunderstandings may arise from practical differences, such as adapting to new technology. Other times, they emerge in study habits, hobbies, or major life decisions about education, careers, and relationships. Parents may find themselves surprised by choices they never imagined for their children.
But are these misunderstandings the real cause of the generation gap? Or do we simply resist change, holding onto familiar ways and expecting others to do the same?
The reality is that change is constant. Life never stays the same from one moment to the next. Each generation brings a new awareness. When we cling to fixed perspectives, resistance builds, leading to misunderstandings and division. But if we expand our awareness, differences dissolve, and we move towards unity. Can we be open to the perspectives our children bring, perspectives shaped by a different awareness? When parents remain open, children naturally do the same. This mutual oneness forms the foundation for a lifelong connection beyond age differences.
If change is natural, why do we resist it so strongly?
Why do we resist change? The role of Smrtti
One major reason we resist change is our conditioning, shaped by past experiences and memories. In Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, smrtti (memory) is one of the vrttis, the thought waves. Pure memory allows us to recall and navigate life, which is wisdom. However, when experiences turn into self-created memory, they become disturbances, generating unnecessary thoughts.
We can observe this directly when we sit in stillness with closed eyes, does the mind remain silent, or do countless thoughts arise? This is the essence of Yoga (union) as explained by Patanjali in the first three sutras of Samadhi Pada. When vrttis resolve in pure presence, the mind becomes crystal clear, like a still lake reflecting reality without distortion. As expressed in the third sutra:
If we understand this, we see how it subtly yet powerfully plays out in family life. Different levels of awareness, shaped by self-created memory, colour our perception of reality. Often unconsciously, we impose these coloured perceptions onto others. This raises an interesting question: Does the rapid change in today’s world create more smrtti and widen gaps, or does it offer an opportunity for expansion? The answer lies in whether we try to hold onto something or flow with life without resistance.
Parents may assume their way is best simply because it is familiar, while children form attachments based on their own experiences. When both hold too tightly to their perspectives, misunderstandings arise, and gaps widen.
For example, when our daughter started eating with her hands, my parents initially resisted, equating utensils with good manners. Yet, for her, it was a natural way to connect with food. Over time, my parents softened, even by experiencing this way of eating themselves, realising their reaction was rooted in habit rather than truth.
Cultural norms, personal preferences, and ingrained beliefs shape our perceptions. Recognizing how smrtti influences our reactions gives us the opportunity to move beyond it. Instead of being unconsciously driven by conditioned memory, we can choose openness and clarity.
This shift is especially powerful in family life, where awareness expands when we step out of habitual responses. When parents remain receptive to their children’s perspectives, and children recognize the wisdom of experience, family life becomes a space for shared evolution, one that fosters deeper awareness and connection across generations.
Expanding awareness: a path for human evolution
A family environment naturally invites us to explore different ways of doing things. If we are aware of the common traps that create separation (as discussed in Part 1 and Part 2 of this series) and can embrace a more open approach, our home becomes a space of celebration. Instead of rigidly holding onto “our way” of doing things, we can cultivate curiosity about other perspectives.
A crucial question to ask is: is there space for others?
When children grow up exposed to different ways of living, supported by the openness and wisdom of all generations in the family, they do not develop the belief that their way is the only way. Such rigid thinking can act as a form of mental violence, leading to division rather than connection.
This is where the greatest opportunity lies. By welcoming new perspectives into our family life, we nurture the ability to listen, feel empathy, and foster love and affection. It cultivates adaptability, understanding, and a deep sense of connection, one that transcends personal preferences, differences, and generations.
Practical tips
Here are a few ideas to bring this awareness into daily life. Let creativity flow, and invite all family members, across generations, to contribute!
- Take a break and reset: Create a playful pause by allowing any family member to ring a bell whenever they feel the need for a reset. When the bell rings, everyone stops, stands with a straight back, closes their eyes, and returns to a neutral state. After a second bell, life resumes, leaving everyone feeling refreshed and present.
- Family sharing: the art of talking and listening: Move beyond factual recounting and explore storytelling. Start a story and let each family member add to it, improvising in the moment.
- Disconnect to reconnect: Set aside one day per month without screens. Decide together how to spend it, try something new, or do something familiar in a completely fresh way.
- Family dance mix: Create a playlist with everyone’s favourite songs. Learn new dance steps and enjoy each other’s company!
Reflection
By consciously integrating awareness into family life, we create a space where generations meet, not in resistance, but in openness to shared evolution. A conscious family environment becomes a foundation for each member to express their full potential.
As awareness expands, it nurtures the ability to listen, feel empathy, and foster love and affection, not only within families but also in society. When we cultivate this openness at home, it naturally extends beyond, shaping education, communities, and the world.
And if this journey feels overwhelming, remember, it’s a path. It is not something to be fully understood or analysed by the mind, as we often try to do. Rather, it is something that reveals itself when clarity arises. There will be challenges, but also moments of immense flow. The key is to enjoy it, travel light, be thankful, stay on course and simply embrace the journey!
About the author
After exploring various paths in life, ranging from playing the French horn professionally and planning and programming for cultural centers, to organizing congresses and events for local government and teaching Yoga to children, Martine eventually settled in India with her husband and daughter.
Realising that understanding one’s true Self is the ultimate purpose and the key to a joyful life, Martine dedicates her time to applying ancient wisdom in everyday living. She chose to embrace a Yogic way of living at Yoga Gita Ashram under the guidance of Sage ViGo.
